I'm an ex-Christian, here's why...

I was 21 years old.

Standing at the altar, we said “I Do.” 

Rings exchanged, vows spoken, God’s blessing. 

Then I got divorced at 27.

I was an innocent but naive young man, believing I had life together. 

I believed this was the beginning of a happy life, with a family, under God's care.

The problem with belief… 

is that whatever you believe, it’s true in your world.

Things and people threaten your beliefs, and you'll do anything to protect them. 

If you believe God directs your life, you’ll defend that belief when it’s threatened.

I was born into the Christian community, a "born again believer." 

It was all I had ever known. 

I learned positive traits and found support in the community, but it was also why I got married so young.

We were in a bubble, urged by pastors to marry early to avoid the temptation of sex. 

In the Christian community, sex before marriage is a big no-no.

But what actually is marriage? 

If God made 10 commandments, why didn’t He include “Don’t have sex before marriage?”

Anyway, we rushed into marriage. 

Horny 20-year-olds—what do you expect?

6 years later…

We were great friends, but that’s all. 

There were arguments, and we were unhappy. 

The initial spark had disappeared. 

We wanted different things—kids, world views, needs. 

But as Christians, divorce was also a big no-no.

(Geez, talk about pressure…)

I didn’t want to separate, scared of the church's and fellow Christians' reactions. 

What of God's judgement? What would people think of me?

Thoughts echoed in my mind daily: 

“Are we going to hell for this?” 

“What will my family think?” 

“I’m going to be a failure.”

My wife tried to make me realise it wasn’t working. I knew it, but was torn between my beliefs and reality.

Days of internal torment.

I didn’t want to get out of bed.

Anxious and afraid.

I was creating hell in my mind.

And suddenly one day I hit the ground

My belief system broke.

I realised it was over. 

I had to face this.

Staring at the ceiling, salty droplets streaming down my face, 

I hit rock bottom…

The next day, 

I was a new person. 

The pain was less intense. 

I saw life from a new perspective. 

I imagined a life separate, a life free. 

I had been baptised, by my own tears.

The old me died and I was born again with a new mindset.

I decided not to go back to church to avoid people telling us to "trust God to fix it."

Months Later… 

You don’t know what you’re in, until you’re out.

Being away from the Christian community was great, I felt refreshed and my mind was more open to new opportunities and experience.

I invested more time in myself, doing the things I love:

- hobbies

- gaming

- music

- learning

I no longer had this thought in the back of my mind saying: 

“You shouldn’t do that because you’re a Christian” 

when it came to things I said, did and watched.

Belief systems stick in your head.

They control your thoughts and feelings.

They also limit your possibilities, if I hadn’t left the church, 

I wouldn’t have experienced this mental freedom.

We both ended up separating, living in separate spaces and after a year we officially divorced.

I feel like life started for me after divorce.

The Lesson

Breaking my belief system stopped my limiting thoughts. 

We believe things that dictate our actions and behaviours. 

What if a belief is holding you back from an incredible life?

How can you know?

If you tell yourself you can’t do something, it’s a sign a belief is stopping you. 

Writing out struggles and goals helps process them clearly. 

Getting thoughts on paper gives you a new perspective.

What about God and Christianity?

I believe in the concept of God and I believe heaven is a state of mind.

There’s a lot to unpack there, so I will save it for another journal.

But, I’m thankful for the Christian community I grew up in and would experience it again if I could.

It taught me a lot about how to treat others and be a respectful human being.

Today I’m married again.

I got married to an amazing woman in October 2023. We’ve been together for 9 years and are very happy.

The funny thing? 

My wife and ex wife are very good friends, hang out together with her and her boyfriend.

A lot of people think it’s weird.

But I say to them… 

“Nice belief system”.

Much love,

Jono