How to be a confident Introvert

“You’re Introverted”

“Why are you so quiet?”

“Why don’t you talk much?”

These are common questions I received growing up as a kid.

Though seemingly innocent, each question reminded me of my struggle to fit in, chipping away at my self-esteem.

Do you resonate?

Childhood

Growing up, I was always shy, especially around new people and, even more so, around girls because they gave me feelings.

I often found myself on the outside of groups, silently waiting until I felt brave enough to engage and “be myself.”

I always wished I knew how to “be confident” sooner.

In primary school, I gradually made friends, enjoying comfortable and memorable times as our group evolved.

However, transitioning to high school shook my confidence profoundly.

Dropped into a much larger environment, my fear of being noticed led me to retreat further into my shell, rarely speaking in class, especially with extroverted peers and seeing pretty girls everywhere heightened my self-consciousness.

Repeatedly faced with questions like “You’re introverted,” “Why are you so quiet?” and “Why don’t you talk much?” my insecurities deepened, making me question, “What is wrong with me?”

Despite making a few friends, the fear of attention kept me from stepping into the spotlight, and my confidence was at an all-time low. Yet, the journey toward overcoming this began with a simple shift in belief.

Young adulthood

By senior high, my comfort with classmates and speaking up had grown, yet interactions with girls, especially pretty ones, still made me nervous.

One girl, in particular, caught my attention through mutual friends. We hit it off on MSN Messenger (OMG what is that?), leading to a planned date that ended up awkward and silent, highlighting my insecurities.

Despite being 17 and more familiar with my peers, the labels of “being quiet” and “not talking” deepened my self-doubt.

I believed I needed to change, to be more extroverted and vocal, reflecting a struggle with ingrained beliefs about myself.

Adulthood

Post-graduation, entering the workforce felt scary, filled with professionals in shark attire.

Landing my first job in IT support, I faced daily nerves, particularly from having to engage with colleagues over tech issues, which amplified my shyness and self-consciousness.

Convinced there was something inherently wrong with me, these thoughts became a constant backdrop, fueling my introversion and anxiety.

I believed labels like “I’m introverted”, “I’m shy”, “I’m quiet”, and “I don’t talk” were absolute truths, pushing me to retreat further into myself.

However, with age and experience, my perspective started to shift.

I was obsessed with research into personality and introversion. I started to realise that introversion comes with its strengths and isn’t synonymous with lacking confidence.

It became clear: being an introvert doesn’t mean a lack of confidence.

You can be quietly confident and reserved yet self-assured.

Contrarily, extroversion isn’t a guarantee of confidence — extroverts can be shy too.

Understanding this opened up a new way of thinking…

It’s all about belief

Confidence is fundamentally about what you believe about yourself.

Despite past labels of “shy,” “quiet,” and “you don’t talk,”

I learned to reshape my thoughts and beliefs, especially during a challenging job search in The Netherlands during COVID-19.

After repeated job rejections, I found relief and motivation in a daily routine that rebuilt my confidence, enabling me to finally secure a job.

Confidence boosting routine

Prepare to be superhuman.

Wake up early

Set your alarm to wake up early. For me, it’s 5:30; for you, it could be 7:30. get up earlier than normal. Also, make sure to get enough sleep.

Journal feelings

When you wake up, grab your journal, notebook, and laptop and write out your thoughts and feelings.

How do you feel? Negative, positive? Write about it, as uncomfortable as it is — especially the negative feelings.

Doing this routinely will help you separate the negative feelings from your psyche; you’ll objectify them and see them from a different perspective. Quite self-therapeutic.

Do this for at least 15 mins.

Pushups til failure

Get your blood pumping, hit the ground and pump out some pushups.

If you prefer a different exercise do that, it could be:

• Squats

• Lunges

• Pull ups

• Hip thrusts

What body part do you prefer to work? Mix it up every day.

Coffee + Affirmations:

Why are these 2 together? Coffee boosts your serotonin, gets you excited and affirmations help you re-wire your thinking. There is power in combining these two.

Say the below with conviction; believe them from your inner core.

• “I am loved”

• “I am a legend”

• “I am confident”

• “I am courageous”

• “I am open-minded”

You can change these; identifying words that make you cringe is probably the best because it means you don’t believe them about yourself.

For extra effect: stand tall, stretch out your arms, chin up, believe you are incredible, believe you are awesome.

You can do this in the shower to save time.

Repeat them at least 3 times.

Summary

Believing in yourself is the essence of confidence.

A disciplined morning routine of waking up early, journaling, exercising, and affirmations can fundamentally change your self-perception and confidence levels.

Start now, and watch how you transform.