6 Alternative Lessons from: “How to Win Friends and Influence People”

This week I wanted to do something different. I love reading, it fuels my desire to learn and grow.

How to Win Friends and Influence People is a classic book, it’s still on the NY Times' top 100, and it was published in 1936!

We all know the classic lessons from this book, but with a highlighter in hand, I wanted to point out some smaller, alternative lessons that struck me.

 1. “Criticisms are like homing pigeons; they always return home.” 

Be careful with how you criticise if it doesn’t: 

— Build

 — Encourage

 — Provide actionable advice 

Be prepared to face criticism yourself. 

2. “A great person shows their greatness by the way they treat little people” 

Greatness is shown not by status but by treating everyone as equals. 

Offer genuine value and respect, and manifest leadership through empathy. 

3. “Instead of condemning people, try to understand them.” 

Keep an open mind at all times. 

If someone says something that you disagree with, stop programming yourself to ignore it. 

Instead, think about why you disagree. 

What happens in your mind that leads your biological feelings to “No, I don’t agree”? 

4. “Every act you have performed since the day you were born was because you wanted something.” 

We are selfish creatures. 

We want something, so we strive to get it. 

We are biased to focus on our own needs. 

Flip this on its head. If you want something from someone, give them something instead. 

Lead with value, connect, network, and give genuine help without expecting something in return. 

Genuine connections form when we give without expecting immediate returns. 

5. “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in people thank you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you”.

No one cares about you. 

We only care about ourselves. 

When you network, show true interest in the other person. Ask questions about them, what they like, enjoy, and their passions. 

Get the other person talking about themself. 

This will make them feel essential and likely return the favour to ask about you. 

Now, you have permission to offer your valuable service or friendship. 

6. Smile 

This is the simplest biological movement we can do that has the biggest impact on others. 

Smile:

 — At people you pass 

— When you are texting a friend 

— When you are talking on the phone 

Your brain interprets the facial muscles that conduct a smile as positive energy. 

You will automatically start feeling happiness, and the person you’re dealing with will notice.

Yes, even when you’re texting. 

Your tone and choice of words will reflect genuine warmth and happiness.

Thank you,

I hope you enjoy this! Let me know if you want more book summaries in the future!